I love Goosie : Episode 1 : Candy Lipz: Does this thing really work?
It’s been a long running joke among myself , family, friends and followers that I am deserving of my own reality television show , not because I do anything noteworthy or interesting; but just because my life is sometimes teetering on the brink of being so insanely unbelieveable that movie cameras mounted in and around the perimeter of my home would fairly document the insanity that ensues pretty much every 24 hours I’m awake. Hehe. One of my online boutique friends quipped, “I’d totally watch ‘I love Goosie’!” so now, we finally have a NAME for the make-believe reality show, kiddies! 🙂
And here we are heading into episode 1 of a full-on gut busting quality installment~ (this is where I plan on sharing the crazy side of product testing and reviews, lmao with the Lucy & Ethel level of hilarity ensuing craziness with certain products which cause me to instinctively say to myself,
“OMGOSH!!! That would make an incredibly funny blog!”
in the only way I know how… the “I love Goosie” style… much like Lucy & Ethel in the candy factory, bwahahaha…
So thus we begin our adventure~~ I received a beautiful box in the mail with gorgeous packaging from the agency representing CandyLipz (global patent pending~~ for those of you not in the know.. that is a pretty big deal for a new product hitting the market!) You’d be hard pressed to find a more gorgeous packaged lip product out there. I guarantee a lot went into the packaging and marketing brainstorming, it was gorgeous~ from the pretty bow to the little 2 inch ruler tied to the top of box representing that you’ll have plump and pouty lips in just TWO minutes. The packaging itself would win over shark tank investors in my opinion. Kudos to whomever’s brainchild the packaging is!
Before I tried the product… my lips looked like this… thin and not so plump… FYI, I have NEVER done any injections or fillers on my lips. No cosmetic surgeries or procedures in or around my lips for the record.
(the official BEFORE shot for reference)
When I opened the box, I was excited to find this really cute, apple shaped gadget… thus the name of it (CandyLipz.com) ties in nicely.. as in Candy Apples… get it?! Please note, inside the box, there was a rubber insert (removable for easy washing) and it also came with an instruction booklet. (VERY IMPORTANT to most people… notice I said MOST people?! I am Goose… I apparently think rules and instructions don’t apply to me… lmao) .
I will be very honest here… I am NOT one for written directions, I like EASY… I don’t particularly care for things that need more than a couple of loose instructions, and anything that requires too much practice is not really my cup of tea. This is a personal thing, and I am sure for other (normal) people, they will have no problem following the few simple instructions necessary for the beautiful end results in store. However, I am me, and I am NOT normal. and I like the trial and error method.. and I don’t suggest this for this particular product. Read the instructions, it will only take a few minutes. I promise. 😉
Sooo… when I opened the box, I was excited to find this…
Then…when you open the rubberized apple, this is what you will find… a compartmentalized hollow section (which generates the suction when the rubbery apple is squeezed) .
“All” you do is pucker up and put your lips in the opening , squeeze the apple and a whirlwind of suction is generated… I can not tell a lie.. this is the part where Goosie got VERY nervous… lolololol… it felt as if my lips were about to be sucked off my face, I was surprised at the crazy amount of suction generated from this seemingly harmless looking piece of fruit…
This is where reading the 42, 000 little pages of directions *probably* comes in handy for most people… because the manufacturer goes into warnings similar to the following: (snark intended and implied)
Who should NOT use CandyLipz: “Individuals who have sensitive skin, blood disorders, hypertension, diabetes, cancer, that bruise easily or are otherwise in poor health”
haaaaaaaa yep, that pretty much sums me up in one solitary sentence, doesn’t it? my friends are ALL cracking up right now… aren’t you?!
And if THAT wasn’t enough to crack y’all up.. here’s this (and YES, this happened to me) Also probably important…
“Caution: Temporary HICKEY MARKS are likely to appear for 7 days or less on the lips, around and/or inside the mouth on first-time users. The discolorations may vary from light pink to bluish purple. This is a common side effect. With continuous use of the lip plumper daily, the hickey marks will not return. If you stop using the lip plumper for a few weeks, and come back to plump your lips again, the hickey marks may come back again. stop using the lip plumper if you break out in blisters or the hickey marks linger on for longer than 2-3 weeks”
whatttttt did I get myself into???!!!??? Well, anyone that truly knows me… knows that anything that could possibly go wrong in life, even if the odds are one in a million, chances are it WILL be ME that it will happen to… lmaooooooooo… YES I did, indeed get the hickey marks around my lips… but with the application of makeup, they weren’t all that noticeable… I don’t think… what do you think???
In the instruction booklet, it does say not to let saliva run into the apple because this will interfere with the suction. This was incredibly difficult for me, as embarassing as it is to admit this disgusting detail… it was humanly impossible for me to pucker and not drool while suctioning my lips into a rubber apple, people! This is the part I found gross about this whole lip plumping ordeal… the fact that my adorable green and red apple was now becoming a spit receptacle was completely yucky in my opinion, and I didn’t want to use it again after the first use but I sacked up and washed it out with soap and water, and tried again~ mainly because practice makes perfect in lip sucking, apparently! I also realized the hickey marks I experienced had probably appeared because I inadvertently, in my excitement, (and ahem… lack of reading the instructions like a good goose) had applied the apple crooked to my lips the first time (see the photo above for proof… my lips are larger on the right side than the left side). Soooo chanting “patience grasshopper” to myself, I decided to try again with a freshly cleaned & saliva free candylipz apple…
and the results were much better!! I was much happier with the results this time!
Here is a new BEFORE shot…
and here is a brand new, wonderful AFTER shot…
Truth be told, I am a fair-skinned, Irish girl with sensitive skin, of COURSE I am going to have red marks from a strong suction of my lips, and the skin around my mouth~ that is to be expected. The redness and swelling and hickey marks did NOT take a week to disappear, only a few hours and as I stated, after I applied make up , were barely noticeable. I also applied lipstick, liner and gloss to draw attention away from that area. I could really tell a difference between the before/after shots and would definitely do it again. I don’t forsee myself using the Candy Lipz plumper every day but maybe for special occasions like a wedding or a big business event I may be attending. I am happy I had the opportunity to give it a try and think if you follow the directions, hehe and take a little time to practice on your leg as suggested, you’ll get the hang of it in no time.